Above Ground
by XxxLostOnexxX
Summary: The VA boys get together for some 'male bonding'
1. Chapter 1

"Adrian! You whore!" Christian said.

"To what do I owe this pleasure fire crotch?"

"You have some serious issues that you need to _fix_, Adrian. Don't you ever worry that you'll end up on the street like some bum without anybody to love you?"

"You're kidding, right? Why would I worry about something like that?"

"Oh I don't know because: the girl you love has absolutely no interest in you but in her _older _mentor, you drink and smoke your problems away, _and_ your aunt Queen Bitch totally ignores and disapproves of you. Just a thought."

"You know what, Christian? Why the hell do you worry about what I do? Everybody's fucking scared of you because they think you'll turn strigoi. Just. Like. Your. Damn. Parents."

"Don't. _Fucking_. Talk. About._ Them."_

"You'll be just li-"

"Ahhhhhhhh!" Everything caught fire and Christian pushed Adrian to the window, "I fucking hate you! You ruin everything! You're a wannabe woman stealer, you're a drunk and most of all you're a fucking idiot!"

Next thing you know, Adrian's shoved back to far and he's dangling out of the window.

"Shit!" Christian grabbed his arm instinctively.

"And I'm the idiot!" Adrian yelled furiously. "Pull me up!"

"I'm trying! You're not that skinny!"

"Well, I'm not that fat either!" He grabbed Christian's other arm and Christian got tangled in the railing and fell over too.

"To answer your earlier question…YES YOU ARE THE IDIOT!" Christian yells, holding onto Adrian's legs.

"You're heavy! I can't pull my self up!"

"Oh my god! We're gonna die!"

"What the hell do we do?" Adrian asked.

They both stayed quiet and then-

"DIMITRI!" They yelled.

"What are you two idiots doing down there!"

"That does not matter at the moment!" Adrian yelled.

"Please just help us up!" Christian yelled.

"And why should I help you pendejos?" Dimitri asked.

"Because you love us?" Christian suggested.

Dimitri laughed out loud. "Oh you were serious?"

"Because if you help us I'll back off of Rose no dream walking no nothing I'll just be her friend."

"How do I know you're telling the truth?"

"Lets shake on it."

"Um…you kind of can't."

"Then choose one! Help us up!"

"Uh! Fine. Give me your hand!"

"Okay."

A bird flies at Adrian and he spazzes out, grabbing Dimitri and pulling him down too!"

"Oh my god!" Dimitri yelled.

Now, Adrian was first, Christian second and Dimitri farthest down. They dangled there helplessly and then Adrian's pants started to slip down.

"Eww!" Christian yelled. "Gross!"

"Shut up!" Adrian yelled. "It's all your damn fault. And girls love it."

"Well, not those." Dimitri muttered.

"Oh god." Adrian sighed. Two girls were staring out the window with their mouths hanging open looking terrified.

"I think we're gonna have to jump!"

"No! We'll die!" And so they hung there forever and ever. Little did they know they were one foot above ground

THE ENDJ


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! We're back with another chapter well just a heads up this chapter is a little offensive cause we're bored and it's late at night :P sorry no flames please this is just for our entertainment! Enjoy! Peace bitches! haha**

* * *

Insert announcer dude voice: Previously on _Above Ground_:

_"I think we're gonna have to jump!"_

_"No! We'll die!" And so they hung there forever and ever. Little did they know they were one foot above ground_.

Lol Jk we wouldn't leave our boys like that! What really happened:

"I think we're gonna have to jump!"

"No we'll die!"

"It's a risk I'm willing to take" Adrian stated trying to be valiant. Dimitri mentally rolled his eyes. And Christian was too scared shitless to care.

"Goodbye cruel world!" Adrian yelled suddenly falling on his ass. He opened his eyes. "Oh," he said looking around," I knew that. It's cool guys you ca- oomph!" Christian and Dimitri suddenly fell on him.

"You idiot. Why didn't you tell us we were on the _second _floor!"

"How the hell was I suppose to know, dumb ass?"

"Um, you live here?"

"You hoes, stop fighting. At least we're not dead."

"At least _we're _not dead." Christian says. "Adrian there could have died and I could care less."

"Hurtful." Adrian sniffed.

"Haha….stupid bitch."

"Dimitri, what the hell?" Rose suddenly appears out of freaking nowhere!

"Um…I love you?"

"Busted." Christian smirks.

"Aw, I love you too." Rose smiles. "Shut your face fire crotch!"

"Hater." Dimitri says.

"Come on Dimitri we need to take care of some business." Rose said walking out the door.

"Sexy time?" They heard Dimitri ask sounding excited.

"No." Rose said flatly.

"Please!"

"No means no bitch!"

"Fine!"

"Did you just yell at me!" Rose said angrily. They could still hear them all the way down the hall.

" No honey!"

"That's what I thought!" The elevator door rang and they could still hear Rose scolding Dimitri.

"The lucky bastards whipped!" Adrian said under his breath.

2 months later

In a world where no dhampir has ever gone before, one Mr. Belikov fights to save them all….

"Dimitri, what the _hell _is wrong with you? Stop talking like that." Christian says jumping out of the Jeep.

"Leave me alone." Dimitri frowns, taking in the camping site. "You're just jealous cause you haven't been laid in two weeks."

"One." Christian corrects him.

"That's…..longer than I've ever gone." Adrian smiles, starting to unload the car.

"Yes Adrian but our hands don't count." Dimitri said with a smile.

"Oh…well then never mind." Adrian shrugs.

Christian rolled his eyes and walked off, leaving an arguing Dimitri and Adrian behind. Suddenly Christian heard voices close by. He hid behind the bushes only to see the voices of none other the twilight hoes themselves Edward and Jacob **(A/N if you read our other story Rose's secret love this will make more sense and be more funnay!) **

"But Edward! What about Bella your wife! And Renesme your _daughter_ my _girlfriend_!"

"None of that matters Jakey! We have each other…forever!" Christians jaw dropped this was so disturbing…he couldn't look away! It was like a gay lifetime movie! He could really use some popcorn right now.

"Oh Edward!"

"Please Jake let me do it!"

"Okay Eddy!" Jacob said tilting his head up. Edward brought his teeth down to Jacobs neck and bit down. Jacob groaned in pain. Christian fell out of the bushes rising to his feet and slowly lifted one finger.

"BLOODWHORE!" He yelled.

Edward ripped himself from Jacob's neck. "Shut up." he growled.

"Blood whore, blood whore, blood whore!" Christian jumps up and down.

"You want me to use you instead?" Edward growls.

Christian stop stares at him. And then…he runs off screaming.

"Dimitri! Adrian! I found two homos in the woods!"

"Where?" Adrian demanded.

Dimitri makes a face.

"Oh god…I'm scarred for life! You have to see it for yourself I refuse to go back!" Christian shakes his head.

"Oh it can't be that bad." Dimitri says.

A few minutes later.

"Oh god!" Dimitri yells.

"I told you!" Christian cries.

"Jakey?" Adrian says, hurt as he looks on at the scene before him.

"Ady! It's not what it looks like-"

"You whore!" Adrian yells. "No. I'm sorry. Blood whore!"

"You're cheating on me?" Edward slaps Jacob.

"No, I wasn't-" Jacob starts to say.

"Whore!" Christian yells.

"Whore!" Edward joins in.

"Whore, whore, whore!" Dimitri yells too.

"Oh, please. Stop it you guys. I'm blushing." Jacob smiles. "Come on Adrian let's go find a more private place."

"Okay." Adrian brightens.

They both walk off, leaving an astonished Edward and confused Dimitri and Christian behind.

"Well….I think we should go do some manly things." Dimitri says.

"Taylor Swift Karaoke?" Christian suggests.

"Yeeeeeessss." Dimitri smiles.

"I call You Belong With Me."

"Damn you! Fine. I'll take Back to December. That song just _gets _me."

"Okay."

And they both run off to the RV for some male bonding time. Meanwhile, Edward is up in a tree crying his eyes out. And Adrian and Jacob? Well…that's another story with a completely different rating.


End file.
